Dear Germany,

I love your beer gardens and beautiful Christmas markets. I love the street stalls selling endless variations of sausage and sauerkraut. I love the beer halls, the beer itself, and the breathtaking closeness of the Alps. I love the wonderful everything of it all.

But… whatever happened to German efficiency?

The trains are fine, but nothing feels terribly clear. They’re not especially fast, and when there’s a problem, you’re often left in the dark. Airports feel unnecessarily complicated, too—signage isn’t obvious, and processes don’t quite flow.

And one more thing: what’s with the liquids and the shoes?

Dear Italy,

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but while your food has always been fabulous, the things that used to be terrible are now… better. Trains are fast. Stations are clearly marked. Exits are uscita and exit. Airports are modernized, and things actually work. Fast track really does mean fast track.

How positively un-Italian.

Dear Germany (again),

You stole our Harry Kane—but he may be one of the most efficient weapons you’ve ever acquired.

Dear all,

I still love you both.